Finite

“…between zero and one there’s an infinite number of numbers.”

“Yeah, yeah, we know.”

“Right, so then a set with zero and one in it already contains infinity.”

“No it doesn’t, that’s not how sets work.”

“That’s not how numbers work either, and yet here we are.”

“Hang on—so you’re saying zero and one is infinite?”

“I’m saying calling it finite is optimistic.”

A chair scrapes. Someone laughs at the wrong moment.

“Give me something finite then.”

“An apple.”

An actual pause.

“An apple?”

“Yeah, apple. You can hold it. Very convincing.”

“That’s the worst argument you’ve made all night.”

“Exactly.”

“How many particles?”

“Lots.”

“How many quarks?”

“Oh don’t start that.”

“That’s the problem, everyone stops right there. Infinite divisibility, and suddenly the apple’s just a temporary arrangement you’ve named.”

“So finiteness is a convenience.”

“Local convenience. Like saying ‘close enough’ and walking away.”

A waiter appears, puts two beers down, takes one away again.

“Sorry — was that a pale or a lager?”

“No idea anymore.”

“Maths still says finite sets exist.”

“Maths also says frictionless surfaces exist. Never met one.”

“Between one and five then. Surely that’s safe.”

“Same issue. You’re pretending the space between numbers doesn’t count.”

“Because it doesn’t.”

“Only because you decided it doesn’t.”

Someone at the next table is arguing about crows.

“…I’m telling you, they remember faces.”

“That’s not the point.”

“No, but it’s unsettling.”

A coat half comes off, half stays on.

“Why does this sound like infinity again?”

“Because apples apparently don’t exist.”

“Good. Thought I’d missed something.”

“So infinity to the power of infinity?”

“That’s just everything. That’s the universe on a good day.”

“Infinity’s kind of bullshit though.”

“Only if you expect it to behave.”

“What if everything stopped? No motion, no entropy.”

“Then nothing moves.”

“But the paths would still be there.”

“Frozen.”

“Still infinite.”

The waiter returns with the wrong order entirely.

“I didn’t order chips.”

“You did earlier.”

“That was yesterday.”

“So is anything finite at all?”

“Only outside physics.”

“And physics?”

“Observer-dependent.”

“So everything observable is infinite, everything unobservable is finite.”

“That’ll do.”

“What about Planck length?”

“Not small. Finite.”

“That sounds made up.”

“Everything sounds made up until it stops working.”

Someone drops a fork. Someone swears quietly.

“So insanity is…?”

“Just what the observer calls it when the cuts don’t line up.”

The waiter comes back, finally gets it right.

“Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine, no worries mate…”